Part Six - God Rebuilds My Identity

We are going to travel back through time a bit in this part, because I want to show you where God was rebuilding my identity at different points in my past.

The first point I want to visit was a day during my senior year in college. I sat in my pastor’s office chatting about how I was doing and how my recovery was going. I remember I was rambling on about something, and he stopped me and asked me a simple question: “Who are you?” I thought that was a silly question, so I responded, “I’m AJ. The starting softball pitcher…” He cut me off and said, “You are a child of God.” I haven’t forgotten that simple phrase, because now when I start to feel my identity slip away I remember that my identity never leaves, because I am a child of God.

Next I want to tell you about my sweet husband, Todd. God brought me an amazing husband who is so kind-hearted and sensitive. I tend to be a bit blunt, but I learned quickly that my bluntness hurt Todd. God has used my love for Todd to soften my heart and retrain my words. My own brother has told me I’m a lot nicer than I used to be. That’s all because of God. I know that I’m not guaranteed tomorrow with Todd, so I don’t want the last thing I say to be hurtful. 

That leads nicely into the next area God has transformed.

I battled anxiety after college. I had attended four funerals during my four years of college, so I kept looking around and asking God who was next. Todd would travel for work and I would sob as I tracked his flight begging God to keep his plane in the air.

I could be washing dishes and spiral into a daydream where I had to live without my husband (even if he was home) and tears would just pour out of my eyes. It wasn’t until the biblical counseling class that I realized no matter what happened, God was in control. We looked at the following verses from Job:

“Where were you when I laid the earth’s foundation? Tell me, if you understand. Who marked off its dimensions? Surely you know! Who stretched a measuring line across it?” (Job 38:4–5)

Now when I begin to spiral, I remind myself of this truth, and the fear leaves me, because I know I can trust God with it because He set the foundations of the earth. He can handle everything in my life.

Lastly, as I was driving to pickup my son from school in January of 2021, I was rehearsing questions for an upcoming interview about my softball career. As I spoke about the strength God provided my senior year, I broke down into tears. God didn’t just give me strength my senior year. He gave me strength my entire career from little league to college. I realized I had been stealing His glory for years as I spoke of my accomplishments. My name may be on the records and awards, but they are all His. I was simply the vessel He used. 

So what does all of this have to do with Van Gerpen Design? EVERYTHING! Read Part 7 to see how this all comes together.